INS jokes
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.
Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.
Why are the candy's clothes in the studio?
Because it's a wrapper.
What do superheroes put in their drinks?
Just ice.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
Kat, what? I did. A cat jump over the road because he believes he came flying in the clouds. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah! So funniest kitten kitten kitten kidding is my last time of Do you Joooooooooooooooooooooookin?
Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?
Everybody knows nothing.
Yo mama so fat, NASA used her stomach to jump to Uranus in seconds.
Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?
He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.
You wanna see a joke? Look in a mirror.
COVID-19 won't last long... it's made in China.
Operation failed in North Korea, the surgeon died.
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"
Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."
Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"
Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"
Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."
Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"
Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."
Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"
Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"
Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."
Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!