INS jokes
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
What’s the rarest gun to find in Africa?
A water gun...
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."
"What is it?" she asked.
"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.
"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.
"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.
"And your final wish?" the genie asked.
"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.