INS jokes
How do butts stay cool in the summer?
They stay in crack conditioning.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"
"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.
"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"
"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"
Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."
Why is it that skinny men love fat women?
Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make Black people run faster.
"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.
What do asses and secrets have in common?
Both are better when not leaked!
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he dropped the mic and picked up weights!
Why was the rapper always happy?
Because he lived life in rhyme.
What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.