INS jokes
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
Where does a black Eskimo live?
In a Nigglu.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.