INS jokes
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
What would Donald Trump be if he was Black?
Shot in the head.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.