INS jokes
Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
Want to hear the worst joke ever? Then look in a mirror.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
Have you heard of China...
China fit this dick in your mouth.
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.