INS jokes
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
My dad died in 9/11....
He was a good driver.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for "poo."
What is long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cucumber.
When your cousin who has a lisp died from the impostor in Among Us,
"THE IMPASTA KILLED MEH!"
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
They have no mother's or father's day.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.