INS jokes
Why did hockey wookie slap kissing Missy in the face? Because Huggy didn't get a kissy from Kissy Missy.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!
Man, I am jealous of the victims of 9/11. They are the fastest readers, who went through 87 stories in 8 seconds.
What did the woman say to the man?
"Stop."
What did the man do?
Keep going.
FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
How do you spot a blind man in a nudist resort?
It's not hard.
Who is the best at musical chairs?
The kid in the wheelchair.
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
What do Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie have in common?
Why do orphans sit in apple trees?
They wait to be picked.
So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."
F*ck in' the poo.
I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.
"Cummin in yo mama, cummin in yo mama."
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”