INS jokes
I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."
If an emo and a leaf are in a tree, which one will fall first?
Answer: The leaf. The rope saved the emo.
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.
What gun can’t you find in Africa?
A water gun.
Rape victim: I want to die.
Man: Hang in there.
Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.
I saw a kid in the yard and I asked where are your parents.
Then I got fired from the orphanage.
100% of blind people in Africa can't see. Together, we can stop this.
Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.
Out of a total population of 1.3 billion, no one in Africa actually speaks "African."
In Africa, it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or bisexual.
At the end of the day, it's night.
When a rocketship went into space, seven astronauts went into space. That's why it's called NASA.
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
Women need to be in the kitchen.
An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country.”
The Asian man says “I’m here traveling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of fried rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong”
My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"
Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"
Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?
You put food on the ceiling and they start jumping.
When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?
When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.
What do Nemo and my dad have in common?
They both can't be found.