INS jokes
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
What's the difference between Canada and the USA?
In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.
In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.
Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?
Because they’ll get chapped lips.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
Is it possible to stutter in sign language?
Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s.
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
What is the definition of confusion?
Three blind lesbians in a fish market.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."