INS jokes
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.