INS jokes

I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.

God, orphanages are fun to work at!!

If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."

Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

Biden: See you later, alligator!

Alligator: In a while, pedophile.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

I kick a soccer ball at someone in a wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither can see their parents.

This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."

There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.

They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.

Fun fact: The max comments on a joke on this website is 1000! (LINK IN COMMENTS FOR PROOF)

The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬

Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?

A. Batman's parents.

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

GF: What do you think of our love?

BF: Count the stars in the sky.

GF: Aww... It's infinity!

BF: Nope. It's just a waste of time.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.