INS jokes

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

My friend said, "Where is the trash?" I said, "Look in the mirror, there is the trash."

What happens when the Freedom Towers got hit? They step in Ground Zero.

Knock knock. Who's there? Colin! Colin who? Colonisation!

Just kidding, colonisers don't knock before they come in.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What position would a man with no legs and arms play in baseball?

Home base.

Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.

What happens to Freedom Towers if they got hit? They stepped in Ground Zero.

What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."

Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.

Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.

And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.

Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair going through a fire? Ghost Rider.

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

What is Gaten Matarazzo's favorite song?

"Dust in the Wind."

What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?

People jumped off a building to escape it.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? They were only two.

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.

I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.