INS jokes
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
I put a pipe bomb in an orphanage. 🤡🤡
I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair, so we are playing Rocket League.