INS jokes
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, the whales said, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
What do a black and a tornado have in common?
They both wreck neighborhoods.
A boy's hairline is always in the back of his head, and its shape is like a check mark.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
Replace the v in Venus with a p.
I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.
What's long and hard and has c*m in the middle? Cucumber. What were you thinking?
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
Your hairline and the universe have one thing in common: they’re yet to be discovered.
"Among Us" in space spells "sugoma."
I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.
What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?
They both fell on my dad.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, guys! My uncle died in that event. He was the best Arabian pilot in the world!