INS jokes
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
What did the people in 9/11 say when they got the wrong pizza? Man, they got it wrong, I wanted this shitty plane!
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.
What does McDonald's and priests have in common?
They put their meat inside 10 year olds.
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
I specialize in jokes about orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why was 10 scared?
Because he was in between 6 and 9.
Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."