INS jokes
So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.
My dad starts laughing at me.
Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”
Me: “Why dad?”
Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.
Heaven is like university: no one gets in.
Why can't Mexicans cross the border? They always sneak powder in.
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
In Ohio, people walk with their hands.
Your momma is so fat, when she got in the Pacific, she became the Pacific Ocean.
Your mama's so ugly, she got everything for free.
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."
What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?
Michelin.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?
Gum.
Guess what, everybody? I'm dumb in math. I'm dumb and stupid at math.
I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
JFK was so popular he was banged in front of his Wife.