INS jokes
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their family.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
The Twin Towers are like Angry Birds in real life.
What is an Emo's favorite hobby?
Hanging in.
Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
What does an apple and an orphan have in common?
One gets picked.
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
What do you call someone in a wheelchair with a gun? A rxd.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
At 9/11, the people in the Twin Towers ordered pizza. They asked for pepperoni, but instead got plane.