INS jokes

What do Jesus and a painting have in common?

They hang by nails.

Why is the white man in prison scarier than the black one?

The white one actually did it!

Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

Why did 10 die??

Because he was in between 9/11.

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

What's green and has a thousand nipples?

A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?

In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.

Why are orphans never in jail?

Because they're never wanted.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

I said something in your ear, and then it echoed because of the size of your forehead because your brain [is] small.

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

What do you call a doctor in Panera Bread?

Panera Med.

What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?

Panera dread.

What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?

Panera bread serving food.

I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.

What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?

Panera sped.

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

What do you call it when you sell Panera Bread in your shed?

Panera Shed.