INS jokes

What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

It's often said that people peaked in high school.

I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Little boys turn them on.

What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.

What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.

What do you call a group of black people in a shed?

Antique farm equipment.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.

Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?

A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.