INS jokes
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
Who are the fastest readers?
The pilots on 9/11. They went through six stories in 5 seconds.
Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...
Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.
Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.
And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.
There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...
There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.
So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"
An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.
Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."
Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.
14 girls asked me to go out today!
I was in the ladies' toilets...
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?
Must be lots of drunks there.
Do you know the F in "orphan" stands for family?
There is no F in "orphan".
Exactly.
What did one orphan say to the other one?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
What do you call a terrorist in a bath?
A bath bomb.
What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.
Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.