INS jokes
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
What's the difference between Canada and the USA?
In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.
In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.
Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?
Because they’ll get chapped lips.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
Is it possible to stutter in sign language?
Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s.
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.