INS jokes
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?
A cypher circle.
Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
The fool says in his brain, "There is a god."
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.
Why did the rapper start a gardening business?
He had mad ROOTS in the game.
What did the captured Germans say to the French in WW1?
"Verdun for."
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.