INS jokes
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?
Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
Harder than a diamond in an ice storm.