INS jokes
What do you call an Afghanistan person in a bath?
A bath bomb.
What is it called when you talk in Panera Bread?
Panera said.
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
This is a true fact, the letter "F" in orphan stands for family.
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
Chuck Norris has come in contact with Covid.
Covid is now in a 14-day quarantine.
What do a banana and shampoo have in common?
Ur mom.
You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.
Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.
Orphans: YAY!
5 minutes later...
Orphans: Wait... where's the...
Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*
Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.
It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.
Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.