INS jokes

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

What do you call a baby in a blender? A baby blender!

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

The average person in 2023 is less straight than the lines my 5th-grade P.E. teacher walked in college.

What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?

Hot Wheels.

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."

What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?

A baby in two dumpsters.

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"

The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.

They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?

Because they don't know what a home is.

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.