INS jokes
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.
People definitely have the N-word pass in Africa.
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
What’s another name for cumming in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
Nothing is free in this world, including "Free Palestine."
You have 10 to live.
“Wait, as in 10 minutes?”
10, 9, 8...
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!