INS jokes
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?
Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!
What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?
When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What would the world be like without women?
A pain in the ass.
What do an Apple and an Emo have in common?
They hang from trees.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!