Injury jokes

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?

A: She kept stepping on a rake.

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?

The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.

Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).

Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.

I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?

... A boner.

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

I'll break your bones, b*tch.

Me: I have an arrow in my head.

My friend: What's the point of that?

Me: Of the arrow?

Friend: No!

Me: Probably the flint.

I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

I gave the blind kid a gun and called it a hair dryer.

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"