Im jokes

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

Dad: Oh, OK!

2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

Son: I do...

Babe, I'm breaking up with you.

Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.

I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

I'm Pickle Rick from Fortnite hahahahahaha!

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.

Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.

Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.

Teacher: Why are you late!

Girl: I need my beauty sleep.

Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)

Me: I know, you always are...

Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.

Normal person: "I'm perfect!"

Goth person: "Nobody is."

I'm so fucking bored.