Im jokes
I'm a proud racist. I love kart racing, street racing. Any kind will do.
Me, haha, I'm the joke.
I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"
She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"
I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.
I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.
Hello, everybody, it's me, Mariplier, and today I'm going to be balling at Freddy's!
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
Even if orphans fail their exams, I'm sure their parents wouldn't...
Oh wait...
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.
Teacher: Why are you late!
Girl: I need my beauty sleep.
Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...