Im jokes

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

Just 'cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I want you. I’m shocked anyone would.

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."

Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.

What did The Rock say to his dad?

"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"

I'm so glad I am not gay. It seems like a pain in the ass.

LOL.

I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.

I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!

Leave a like if you LOL at this joke!

What's it called when an orphan calls 911?

Operator: Hello, is your family okay?

Orphan: I'm an orphan.

Operator: *bruh*

I'm emo, by the way.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!