Im jokes

I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.

I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!

Leave a like if you LOL at this joke!

What's it called when an orphan calls 911?

Operator: Hello, is your family okay?

Orphan: I'm an orphan.

Operator: *bruh*

I'm emo, by the way.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

I'm illegal.

I'm bald.

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

I'm playing a game of HANGMAN. Is there an 'S' or a 'C'?

MIKE PEN__E??

My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.

The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Bro, I'm so gay I can't even spell straight.

If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?

A really fucking huge cricket.