Im jokes

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

I'm illegal.

I'm bald.

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

I'm playing a game of HANGMAN. Is there an 'S' or a 'C'?

MIKE PEN__E??

My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.

The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Bro, I'm so gay I can't even spell straight.

If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?

A really fucking huge cricket.

I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."

If gay means happy, then I'm extremely homophobic.

Normal people: I'm my own nationality.

Michael Jackson: Click here to change nationality.

I'm the joke 😈😈😈 HAHHAHAAHHAHA Delilah my kitten meow meow to the woof woof.

They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.

I'm jealous of the people who never met you.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.