Im jokes

I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

I'm sorry my jokes are so bad.

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Wanna suck my dick?

No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.

Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!

Red: snooore, snoooore

Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*

Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*

Chuck VS RED

Both LOSE!

Official Dj Penaldo playlist.

1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"

My mom said you failed school. I said, "Don't be surprised, I'm a retard, Mom."

Wife: I’m pregnant.

Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.

Wife: No, you’re not.

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.

Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.

And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

I'm not racist, but the Ku Klux Klan look all the same to me.

Technoblade: I'm the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans.

Quackity: What is the first thing to ever happen to the orphans???

Technoblade: Quackity..... they're orphans.

(Disclaimer: not funny xD)

I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

I'm dead serious about Kobe: Kobe in heaven...

I'm not a robot, but orphans are.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.