Im

Im jokes

Misunderstanding

    • One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

    I don't need this shit!!

    Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

    I don't need this shit!

    So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."

    I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'

    I don't need this shit!

    Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.

    Balloon

    • "Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

    (Later)

    "Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

  • 1

    • Sister

    • Hi guys, jokes for sister.

    So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.

    Actor

    • As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

  • 1

    • Lock

    • Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

    Orphan

    • Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.

    Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.

    Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!

    Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??

  • 4

    • Kid

    • One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

    She asked me, "What are you doing?"

    I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

    She asked, "What does that mean?"

    I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

  • 1

    • Wheelchair

    • Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.

  • 1