Im jokes
I can't come in, because I'm too high.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Hi! I’m going back home.
I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.
Normal person: "I'm perfect!"
Goth person: "Nobody is."
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.
What do you say to a bully?
I might not be perfect, but at least I'm not you!
Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)
Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
What song does an orphan hate?...
"I'm so lonely."
A father awaits the birth of his first child.
The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"
What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."
Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.
Mom, Mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand.
Little Johnny, good! But he's not "bien" yet.
There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"