Im jokes

"Just say no to drugs!"

Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

People judge me because I'm quiet.

No one plans a massacre out loud.

I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."

When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.

Why did the man say, "I'm stuck?" Because he was...

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

I’m just kidding.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?

I'm so smart, wanna know why? Because you're gay.

What do you call a train with bubble gum?

A chew chew train.

Oh man, I'm depressed.

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!

A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.

"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"

"I swear I'm the real Gwen! I swear on my life!"

I'm weird.

I'm bored and I'm sure someone scrolling through here is too, so wanna chat? Pls.

I'm as bored as heck, someone want to chat?

I'm as bored as heck, someone wanna chat?

I'm bored. Someone wanna chat?