If jokes

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

What's life if you don't have one...

Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."

If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

🎆 New Year's Eve

Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"

Mom👱🏻‍♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"

Dad👨🏻‍🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"

This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?

Girl: Hey.

Orphan: Hi.

Girl: Wanna be friends?

Orphan: Sure.

Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.

Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.