If jokes
If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
Memes
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
What's life if you don't have one...
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.