If jokes

A hillbilly female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?

Son: Ok dad.

AFTER TEST

Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?

Son: Son?

If the government can print money,

Then why are we paying taxes?

If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.

If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.

A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

Girl: Hey.

Orphan: Hi.

Girl: Wanna be friends?

Orphan: Sure.

Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.

Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!

if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.

Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

After a while, a student stands up.

Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?