If jokes

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be called?

A self-me.

If Thomas Running invented running, what did Paul Walker invent?

If the noose breaks, stab yourself!

If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!

If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.

Do you play Sea of Thieves? See if these balls fit in your mouth, gotteeeem!

Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.

Is it classed as down under if you eat out an Australian chick?

I think if the center of the earth froze, it would be pretty hard core.

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

If this pops up on your timeline, fuck you!

I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

This is not a joke. Have you ever thought about it? You’re an emo while wearing black. So what if you are black? Does that mean you’re an emo because you are black and emos wear black? ;)