If jokes

Me: How do you say yes in Spanish? You: Si. Me: Si if these nuts fit in your mouth.

I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

So I told an orphan if her mom is hot, he wouldn't stop crying.

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?

You need to com-it.

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.

Is it classed as down under if you eat out an Australian chick?

If Thomas Running invented running, what did Paul Walker invent?

We have Build-A-Bear; meanwhile, orphans have Build-A-Mom, or if they’d rather, Build-A-Dad.

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.

If the noose breaks, stab yourself!

If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!

If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?