If jokes

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

What is a yellow dog Libertarian?

A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

Why is it called a building if it's already built?

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

Can you go as a horse for Halloween?

Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

1+1=3

If you don't use a condom.

These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?

To the mew-seum!

If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?

None of them. Immigration service is.