If jokes

If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."

What do you get if you eat sugar?

High.

You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.

I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.

But no pun in ten did.

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

What is a yellow dog Libertarian?

A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

It's not incest if you're adopted.

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"

If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."