If jokes

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?

(Ten, if you count in base 13!)

Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.

So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."

"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

The teacher is asking you a question.

Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"

Me: "Dead."

Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.

Kid: Runs home.

A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...

If you know, you know.

Not sure if the Twin Towers were destroyed or if they were just purposely demolished. 🖐️😀

Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can do.

🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵

If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?

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Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

102, if you have some alive ones.

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.

If the government can print money,

Then why are we paying taxes?

1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.

2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.

If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.

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