If jokes

One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.

The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”

Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”

What did the Twin Towers say to each other?

Sorry if that offended anyone.

“I guess we are going down together!”

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

"WASSUP GIRLS IF I FIND YOU I'LL GLADLY FUCK YOU;]"

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?

He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.

If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

What do orgasms and pulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?

"Want to see if it fits?"

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

What is a yellow dog Libertarian?

A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.