If jokes
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
So, if she gargles your cum, is that a jacuzzi daycare?
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
Like if you know an orphan.
I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.
If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.
If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
If I flip off an Asian person, he can't see it.
It’s not cheating if you’re all siblings.
"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.
School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"