If jokes

Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.

If orphans made phones, it wouldn't have a home button.

My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?

Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?

He fell for her.

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.

"Like if u cry everytime."

If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?

Even if orphans fail their exams, I'm sure their parents wouldn't...

Oh wait...

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

If an orphan has a nightmare, they should run to their parents. Oh wait!

How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?

One, if the bag is family size.

Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.

The orphan: But why?

Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

If at first you don’t succeed... then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.