If jokes

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,

that's a big red flag!

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?

"Want to see if it fits?"

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."

- Sun Tzu

"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War.

I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.

Like if you listen to Kidd G.

Comment if you listen to Polo G.

Share if you listen to NBA Youngboy.

Do all if you listen to all of them and you all of them if Kobe Bryant is a legend.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is dangerous for kids if put on their face, the other one is used to carry groceries.

Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?

A: All the rice is gone.

That shirt's very becoming on you.

If I were on you, I’d be coming too.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

How do you know if an Asian is a failure?

Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.

Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Half of it. 🐛

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.