If jokes

If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.

If WW3 starts, I do, in fact, belong in the kitchen.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.

If 7, 8, 9, why was 10 afraid?

It was between 9/11.

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?

"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."

Do you play Sea of Thieves? See if these balls fit in your mouth, gotteeeem!

If I was a raped victim, would silence be the best medicine?

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

Yesterday I asked an emo girl if she's jealous when her phone dies.

How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.

If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

Like this comment if: - Your mom is sus - Your mum is sus

Dislike if: - You are horny.

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."