If jokes
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.
You know, for his sake.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
If you play FNF, I play a game because he has two balls, boi.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.