Identity jokes

What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?

Oooooooooh girl, you lion!

What is your name?

My ankle is named Samantha.

I'm straighter than a rainbow.

There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

Hi, what's your name?

I don't know, I'm disabled.

Why were people not happy before they were part of the LGBTQ+? Because they weren’t gay.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotta-puss.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mother." "Duh!"

Hi, I’m gay.

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."

What do you call a gay friend?

Miguel Del Rosario Domingo.

What's black, anorexic, dumb, and will never get a girlfriend?

Me.

Like if you are straight; comment if you are LGBTQ+; dislike if you are a Nazi.

I'm a gay.

Roses are red, colors are blue, if I was you, I'd look like you.

Hey girl, are you an orphan?

Oh, that’s right, I’m your daddy.

How can you tell if a white homophobic heterosexual man with bisexual tendencies is a Christian nationalist?

He gives anonymous blowjobs to men regardless of their sexual orientation.

What do emo kids scan at the store? Their wrist.

Why are orphans gay? Because they can’t come out to anyone.