Identity jokes
I feel weird to ask this, but can anyone guess my real name?
#Imbored
I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.
What do you call someone with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.
Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.
Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!
One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.
The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"
The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!
Knock knock.
Jou is there?
Why don't you speak English?
Yes, I'm CUTE.
C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.
Okay, Gwen, I'll be offline for a while... so if anyone by my name types anything, it's a fake. The only way you know it's me is if I say one of my nicknames. Okay, so yeah, take care of my account while I'm gone. BYE!!!!
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? - Carlos.
When an African has a twin, your me??
What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans person?
About 3 years.
I'm Priya.
Levi
Roses are white, violets are white, everything is white. I’m racist.
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
Why are you gay?
Because you are.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.