Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
John
Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!
Robin's gay.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
What is the hardest part of twerking?
Being black.
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.
What do orphans call a family pic?
A selfie.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
