Ice jokes
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
What's gassy and as cold as ice? Uranus.
I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.
POV: when your friend scares you, and you acidently throw it in the air and it falls and drops on your head, and you turn and look at your friend that it was there fault like bro it's not that deep fr
I'm gay.
Stephen Hawking, more like ice cream!
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
What dessert do you get on September 11th?
An ice cream flight!
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
So I guess Ice Cube was right, Eazy's dick smelling like MC Ren's shit, and Eazy died of AIDS.
Why was the rapper always cold?
Because he kept spitting ice!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.
I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."
Why was the Mexican scared of cold water?
It might turn into ICE.
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.