Ice jokes
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
Yo momma's an ICE agent!
You were probably voted "Most Likely to Become an Ice agent" in school.
Why are liberals so bad at playing hockey? Because it is played on ICE
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
What is a Mexican's least favorite type of water?
I.C.E. water.
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
Harder than a diamond in an ice storm.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite hobby?
Rolling on ice.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?
She had a meltdown.
Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?
Because his bars were ice.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.