Arctic jokes
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
How does a penguin (however you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!
Why can't you get water in the North Pole?
Because there is no well.
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
What do you call an Eskimo stripper?
A frosty-tute.
Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.