Arctic jokes
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
How does a penguin (however you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!
Why can't you get water in the North Pole?
Because there is no well.
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
What do you call an Eskimo stripper?
A frosty-tute.
Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
Why do animals in polar regions have thick fur? Because they don't have a barber! 🤣 🤣 🤣