Humor
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.
What words black people can't say? "Thanks for your help, officer."
What is the definition of a woman?
A life support system for a vagina.
Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.
It's still printing.
Student: It's hot in here.
Teacher: That's because I'm in here.
Orange you glad to see me?
A Mario & Luigi joke.
What are the Mario bros' view on child support?
Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.
Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
These 9/11 jokes just don’t land.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt? She was on fire.
Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?
Everywhere!