Humor
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)
"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))
And slice jokes!
What kind of "slices"?
Handy ones. ^_^
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?
"Here Comes The Airplane!"