Humor
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)
"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))
And slice jokes!
What kind of "slices"?
Handy ones. ^_^