Humor

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

Me: "I came home laughing."

Parents: "What's wrong?"

Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."

Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"

Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."

Parents: "What is it?"

Me: "Who farted?"

Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.

Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?

Because his keys were inside of the ignition.

People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?

An Oreo.

Time for double joke Tuesday.

What is a bird's favorite letter?

A C gull.

So I won a round of CSGO with my team, then on VC, some kid trash talked me.

Kid: You're a dick, you know!

Me: And you're a pussy, you know?

Here are some skeleton jokes.

You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.

If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.

I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.

I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.

I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!

I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.

I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.

Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!

The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.

What's an orphan's least favorite joke?

... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...

What do French ducks say?

Quoi quoi.

D: Johnny, Johnny.

J: Yes, Papa?

D: Eating sugar?

J: No, Papa!

D: Telling lies?

J: No, Papa!

D: Open your mouth, now full of cock. :)

Popular guy in class: I am so funny.

Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!

I don't have a joke, it's just funny reading them.

You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.