Humor
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."
I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
Memes
Make this "joke" get 69 comments & 69 likes.
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!