Car

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

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  • Skeleton

    Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

    Papyrus: Because they looked like me?

    Sans: ... Sure.

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  • Name

    Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."

    Teacher

    What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

    The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

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  • Memes

    Sex

    What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

    You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

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  • Suicide

    My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

    Brick

    Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

    Teacher: 502.

    Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

    Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

    Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

    Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

    Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

    Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

    Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

    Teacher: let me guess the lion?

    Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

    Teacher: WOW!

    Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

    Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

    Student: The gators are at the party.

    Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

    Teacher: She drowned?!

    Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

    Spine

    You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.

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  • Adoption

    Son: Dad, am I adopted?

    Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?

    Winter

    Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?

    A: He heard the snowblower coming.

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  • Drunk

    Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."

    Me: "Why did you?"

    Mom: "I was very drunk..."

    Explains a lot...

    Atom

    Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."

    Rape

    I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.

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