Humor
What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?
The frog might be on his way to a gig!
What is the slipperiest county?
Greece!
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?
Biggest joke?
[Image of Zac Efron]
this is me
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
What’s the difference between a parentless child and someone who is fond of unprocessed metals?
One is an orphan, and the other is an ore fan.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
What is mail? Boring.
My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
Here's a joke: Your life.