Humor

This is the biggest joke ever - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5j-BH_WdBXdzeoOdG2v2dA

How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?

Dark humor never dies!

I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.

What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!

A friend asked me, "Where are you going?" I answered, "6 feet underground."

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He lost internet connection.

Hear the one about the deaf kid?

He didn't.

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

What do grapes 🍇 love most about family?

Raisin kids!

My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.

I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

China has a population of a billion people. One billion.

That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

This isn't a joke.